just jokes

Two Bear Hunters

Two men went out bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little fasted and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while i go get another one!"



Purchasing a turkey

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."



For weeks, a 6 year old boy kept telling his first grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment.
Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"



On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"



There was a guy who went fishing every Saturday without fail. Up before the sun was out and on the lake. This one particular Saturday it was too cold, wet and miserable even for this die hard fisherman, so he went home, undressed and climbed in bed behind his wife to cuddle. He said, "Honey the weather is just terrible out there today."
She giggled and said, "I know, and my stupid husband went fishing."



A boy was sitting in his first grade class where the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.
She said, "And so the pig went to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw with which to build my house?"
Then the teacher asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
The boy raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! He said 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.



A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to honor thy father and mother she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest in the family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."



The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them to each buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer, or there's Michael; he's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."



A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say the he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again he is stopped by the same police officer who says, " Hey! I thought I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."



Rabbit Test

The LAPD, FBI and CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"