Follow up to the purple bikini

I broke down and bought the $60 bikini from Victoria's Secret made for those of us with a D cup. It arrived in the mail and I put it on. I don't know what they think I'll be doing that I will need this much padding or why I would need my cleavage up around my chin. I gave it some thought and came to the conclusion that this swimsuit is not actually for swimming. If I got into the water all this padding would soak up gallons of water and I would for sure die by drowning. On the up side my boobs look fantastic in my over priced glorified bra. I then called Sycamore Mineral Springs to see if I need a reservation for Monday. The very nice man told me no and that I can bring my own towel or rent one from them for $2, we can bring our own drinks and all they ask is that you not bring glass and finally (this is my favorite) CLOTHING IS OPTIONAL! Is that a joke?! All my effort into finding the perfect fitting swimsuit only to learn I don't actually need one?! Really? Well I'm wearing it now! That and I don't think I'm quite there confidence wise to be going all natural in front of...well...anyone.

How to make a Band-aid

I had a ruff day. I had taken the day off of work to sit for the vet tech test and I had been stressing it for months. Last time I missed it by 4. This time I missed it by 7! 7!!!! SERIOUSLY?!!! I was feeling really down and I was starving. I decided to make some scrambled eggs. They looked amazing! Best I ever made. Then, to the insane delight of my cats, I dropped the whole damn mess on the floor! That's right. I didn't even get a bite! I cleaned up the mess and went to lay down on the couch. I was promptly joined by furry ragamuffins. Bee got there first and curled up on my chest. Just as I was drifting off, Bee started dreaming and I was repeatedly kicked in the face. A purring cat will do wonders when you are feeling down so I let her stay. Around 5 I decided to make some cookies. I found a recipe for chocolate brandy drop cookies. I happened to have a whole bottle of brandy so I thought I'd give it a try. They turned out pretty good and had a good kick to them. I then decided to try a round of peanut butter cookies. They came out pretty good too. :) As I was cleaning up I cut the tip of my finger off. OMG! OUCH!!!! I got a paper towel and applied pressure and headed to the bathroom for a band-aid. I was bleeding bad. Blood was running down my hand and the only band-aid I could find was the size of my forehead! Why do I even have a band-aid that size?! That wasn't going to work. So being a resourceful person, I wrapped my finger in a giant wad of toilet paper and wrapped that in leopard print duct tape and went back to the kitchen for a glass of wine.

all hail the bringer of grapes!!!!

margaret gets told "NO" for the first time

The purple bikini

When I decided to go to the DR I also decided to join weight watchers so I could look amazing for my trip. When I started weight watchers I bought a purple string bikini from Victoria's secret and told myself that my goal was to fit into it by my trip. I started in May and it is now December and to date I've lost 52.6 pounds. I tought for Christmas I would go to Avila and sit in the hot springs and give my new bikini a test run. I put on the bottoms and they looked hella cute. The problem was the top. Before I gained all the weight I was a small C cup. When I gained I went up to a D cup. Problem is I have NOT lost ANY weight in my bra! A string bikini top on a D cup looks kinda...porn star! It looked like I was wearing purple triangle pasties tied together. WOW! So not cute! My sister assured me that is how it's supposed to look. I am not so sure and I am NOT going out in public looking like that! I was telling this problem to a friend of mine who found it hilarious. She explained that I was not meant to buy a swimsuit from Victoria's secret. They cater to small girls with B cup or smaller. I'm shaped more Fredrick's of Hollywood than Victoria's secret :( My friend said I'm kinda shaped like Jessica Rabbit. Thanks! She's not even real! So I got on Victoria's secret website (because where else can you get a swimsuit in December) and looked for a bikini top that would work. Turns out they have a "special" section for those of us with actual boobs. It's called "freaks with D-DD" They are made of the ugliest material (like leftover reject stuff) and it's more of a bra pretending to be a swimsuit. The damn thing has under wire! What swimsuit has that much support?! Why not just wear an actual bra?! It would be cuter for sure. And WHY if I'm already a D cup do I need push up padding in my bikini top? I know they're there. I don't need my boobs cinched up to my neck! Clearly that was an idea from a girl with an A cup. What I need is back support. Not push up. Then to add to the shame of it all they charge $45 (minimum) JUST FOR THE TOP! I'm being charged an additional fee because God has a sense of humor! There is another option Victoria's secret offers for the big busted. You can wear a one piece! And right next to all 2 of the horrible one pieces, under the title "you might also like..." are the cover ups! Because your a mess and no one wants to see that freak! This is not good for the self esteem. Maybe I should wear a cute bra and cover that up with an over sized black T-shirt. I don't really want to offend the friend I'm supposed to be going to the hot springs with looking a little like a stripper. Holy hell! Good thing I didn't just assume it would fit and not try it on! I might have lost a friend! He'd been all "NO!" Robb tried to tell me wearing something like that is completely acceptable. Yeah right! NO! I would like to now thank weight watchers for helping me get to my new stripper body of my dreams. They should put THAT on the commercial! "We can have you ready for your new career as a pole dancer in 7 months or less!" It's good to have options. And as for the hot springs with Shawn...I like being friends so maybe we will just go to the movies instead.

Painting!