The places cats love

at least I found out I had a UTI

One year in October Shelly and I decided to go to San Fran for the WCN confrence. We took seperate cars because I was going to go on to Monterey after the conference and Shelly was going back to Fresno. After some searching we found our hotel. It was a dingy little place in a not so safe looking part of town. We had to park in a lot about 2 blocks away from the hotel. Who doesn't love a walk in the middle of the night? We walked up to our very tiny room. The room and bathroom were so small you had to go outside to change your mind and they must not have maids. Just a guess because they left a can of cleaning spray on the night stand table. The people who stayed there before us didn't do a very good job of cleaning because the placed looked a little dirty. The next day we went to the conference and met a lot of nice, interesting people and had a great time. We went to the Aquarium of the Bay. We were in my car and heading to the SF zoo when we were t-boned by a taxi cab van. He ran the red and hit us hard enough to deploy the airbags. Needless to say he didn't get out of his car because the asshole was at fault and lucky for me there were plenty of witnesses ready to string him up. Someone called the cops and the fire department and paramedics. My car was undriveable and blocking traffic. I was mortified! My wrist was swelling and I was in total shock. What really made this suck really bad is that I just finished paying off my car in July! I was sitting on the curb when Shelly and the very nice cop told me to go to the hospital and get my wrist looked at. I was not too keen on the idea but was not in a position to argue. We got to the hospital and the first thing they made me do was pee in a cup (because I was drunk and do drugs I guess). They had me get an x-ray and then put me in a bed till the doctor could look at it. Shelly saw our paramedic friends in the hall way and ran off. She came back. I said where did you go? They were cute so I gave them your business card! I went back in to shock. That's what I needed to be more embarassed! The nurse came in to inform us I was not drunk or on drugs but I did have a low grade urinary tract infection that they would be giving me an antibiotic for. Lucky me! Good thing I was in that accident! I would have been walking around with a UTI and no clue! Why were they even checking for that? She left. I started to cry. Shelly called my dad to explain what had happened and let him know I was ok however my car was not so much. I went between crying about the accident and laughing about my UTi untill they released me. We got me all checked out (no broken wrist, just swollen from the airbag hitting it). We were about half way down the street wondering how we were going to get back to Shelly's car when the nurse came running after us yelling "Michelle come back! You forgot your antibiotic for your urinary tract infection!" People were stopping to stare! Just what this day needed, more embarassment! I got my drugs and we continued down the street carrying my luggage :P Shelly said we needed to find a cab. Um NO! I'm NOT getting into a cab! She informed me we needed one to get back to her car. I agreed as long as it was not a cab van. She was looking over my shoulder and making a face. I knew what that face meant. Behind me was a group of guys getting out of a cab van. Since we were in the only part of San Fran that seemed to have no cabs we had to take it. I was less than thrilled. I cried all the way to Shelly's car. I guess the cabby felt bad cause he didn't charge us full price. Aw! A silver lining! Shelly drove us home and we did laugh a lot about my urinary tract infection. I'm certian the hospital people were soooo proud of themselves for finding that for me. When I got home mom was pretty well looped on xanex. Turns out dad made her take 2 before he would tell her what happened and when he did tell her she took 2 more. Shelly and I were both fine which was good. My car on the other hand was never the same and that broke my heart. Shelly never got in a car with me again...that might be because she moved to Hawaii but I'm not sure. But at least I got antibiotics to clear up my urinary tract infection! Thank you San Fran!

me and the anteater

Me and tango

Pely

Me and Pely

The only time Mama listened to me

When I was a volunteer at the zoo I was fortunate enough to be involved in the sea lion training program. Nadine was a great sea lion! She listened very well to me and I had a lot of fun working with her. Mama was a different strory. Lisa was always on the pool deck with me and Mama loved Lisa. Mama would ignore me and make me look stupid. Bad trainer! One day Lisa was doing the talk to a group of school kids and there were a lot of people watching me train. I got to the point of training Mama and to my great suprise she was responding to me! I had her on deck doing targets with her when Lisa committed a sea lion training sin and walked behind me. Mama barked at her with a mouth FULL of squid and makeral! Being eye level with Mama at the time I got a face full of grossness! I told Mama "POOL" and "NO MORE" and turned to face Lisa. She looked shocked but that only lasted a moment before she doubled over laughing. It was then I heard the laughter coming form EVERYONE who had been watching. I was totally embarassed and covered in fish blood, scales and squid. I threw Mama the rest of her fish and ended the session. Once off the pool Lisa told me I handled that very well and I was a good trainer. Hearing that was great reinforcment for me. Mama never listened to me again.

untitled

Tango

We want you to visit Cat Haven!

scary!

left or right?

baby colobus

a bright idea

what shall i have?...

bad elephant

porcupine kisses

Guess what this is!

Elephant cuteness!

Roo Pic

good bye cricket

kisses

mom and sophie

my perfect skydive

The rabies lab is a creepy place

I had to take a dead bat to a very creepy basement lab to be tested for rabies. On my way there I saw a bum on the corner with a cardboard sign begging for money. I wouldn't have thought anything of it except this bum was listening to an ipod! I couldn't help but stare. Then a man walked up to the bum and asked him for money. The bum reached into his pocket and gave the man a handful of money, but wait it gets weirder! Then the two men, clean man and dirty bum...hugged! And clean man walked away. The bum went back to begging. I continued on to the lab. I followed the directions the lady on the phone gave me and parked in the paid lot. Then I was told to walk down the ally in back of the building and go in the unmarked door. Inside the door there is an elevator (also unmarked), go down to the basement and outside the elevator there is a window with a cranky lady who has no idea whats going on. Talk to her. She had me fill out a card saying things like where I worked and where the bat was found. She read over the card, looked at my uniform and asked where I worked. It was everything in me not to be a smart ass and say something brilliant like Costco. I finished there and got back to the zoo. I asked Dr L to please never let me go there ever again. Creepy basement lab!

More time to think

I had to go to the police department recently to pick up a police report. The first time I went I went at 8am and after feeding the meter found out they didn't open till 10am. So I went back at 10 to find out it would be a 2 hour wait. Yeah right! I went home and called the police department to see if there was a good time to go. The very nice lady told me any day would be good but to come a half hour before they open or I'll be in for a long wait. So I went at 930am on Sunday with my grandpa. We got there and found a line had already formed. We got in it and when the doors open we took a number and went to sit down in the back row. I had number 93. It wasn't bad because they started at number 89. There was a guy sitting in front of me who kept turning around and looking at my number. The last time he turned around he took my number and gave me his. Number 91. I must have looked confused because he said something I didn't quite catch. What? He said "I need more time to think." Really? My new number got called and I got my report and left. When I got outside my grandpa wanted to know what he said to me and why did he give me a better number? I told him "he just needed more time to think" We laughed all the way home. My grandpa said "That was worth going there! What was he needing to think about? If he was going to tell the truth he wouldn't need to think about it!" True story. People never cease to amaze me and that story will always be funny.

It just won't work out

When Achilles the addax came into quarantine he was instantly my favorite animal. He had been hand reared so he was super imprinted on people and easy to love. They were not ready for him out on grounds for a while so me and Achilles became good friends. I was told not to trust addax and that you can't go in with them without getting goared. I had my doubts that was true but wasn't going to test it. They were having a new fence put up in the back holding area where Achilles was at the time so the workers rigged up a little holding/shift area for him. They did such a good job that when I went to shift him that night one of the fence panels fell over. I managed to catch it before it smashed Achilles but now I had no barrier between us. I was a little worried when he started toward me. I was (for some unknow reason) still holding the fence with both hands and had no idea how I would keep him from walking down to the car port area. So not good! Achilles got to where I was, and like the killer addax I knew he was, he started chewing on my keys. I called for someone on the radio but no one was responding. Achilles started to wonder off toward the fig tree to spar with it and then continue down the isle. Not knowing what else to do I called his name and to my suprise he came back. He chewed on my fingers all the way inside the barn where I locked him in to resecure the fence. As soon as I got the door closed Rhonda came down the isle asking if I still needed help. She helped me with the fence and I let Achilles back into his holding. When Rhonda left I noticed he didn't have water. Not wanting to leave him without water over night I tossed his water tub over the fence and went to get a hose to hook up to the faucet. This posed a problem because I didn't have a hose to fit it. Hmmmmm. Ok. I went in and got a pitcher and figured I can just fill it that way. I had to kind of wedge myself between the fence and barn to fill the tub but it was no big deal and he would have water. Achilles was standing next to me till I had the tub just under half way full then he walked into the barn. I heard him nosing around right before I had a hoof on either side of me. It took a moment to realize I had just been mounted. I decided in the next moment that he had enough water to last him overnight and I got out of there. An ackward silence followed. I told Achilles I loved him...just not in that way.  Many people found this very funny. Me and Achilles are still friends but we don't hang out.

Room 207 is haunted!

Me and my boyfriend at the time, who I will call...Wes, were planning a trip out of town. We both like wine and I also love ghost hunting so we decided on Napa.  We booked our seats on the wine train and I made reservations at a hotel near by.  I got online and checked out hotels alreadyknowing what I wanted. A haunted hotel room! I found the Napa River Inn. Turns out it used to be a mill and the owners son hung himself in what is now the bakery. Perfect! The room that is "haunted" is 207 right above the bakery. They wouldn't let me book the room online so I had to call. The woman I spoke to kept asking me if I was sure I wanted "that" room but she wouldn't admitt that is was haunted. Yes. I want "that" room. We arrived and dropped our stuff off in the room before the wine train that night. I was changing for dinner and Wes was in the bathroom. The room was very nice. Big huge bed. Big bathroom. The bathroom had double doors and on the left was the tub and light switch, sink in the middle with a huge mirror and the shower and toilet on the right. Very cool. I was sitting on the end of the bed waiting to leave when I heard a "click" and the bathroom lights went out. Neither one of us were near the switch so I thought "Yay! Our first ghost!" Wes had an all together different point of view. He started yelling for me to turn the light back on AND being a fantastic girlfriend I fell over on the bed rolling with laughter. Finally we left for the wine train and had a wonderful dinner! I would love to go again. The food was awesome! We took a shuttle back to the hotel. it was probably around 11pm when we got back and we were not drunk, just....lets call it happy. We were calling it a night and I was sleeping on the side closest to the door. I turned the alarm clock away from me (I can't sleep with light on me). I was Laying on my side waiting to fall asleep when I saw a shadow walking up to the door and cover the peep hole. I was a little scared at first then I thought "if I worked at a "haunted" hotel, I would mess with people". so I wrote it off and fell asleep. Now Wes really was not keen on the idea of staying at a haunted hotel so I might have been less than forthcoming when I made the reservation. haha. At around 2am I had to pee. So I got out of bed and the moment my feet hit the floor Wes was right behind me. "Don't leave me here!" "Wes I have to pee." "I'll go with you." Fine. I finish and head back to bed. When we walk back in to the room the alarm clock is turned around facing front. Weird. But I'm tired so being scared can wait till the sun is up. We aren't in bed 5 min when Wes jumps and lands right on top of me. "Something touched me!" He was suddenly burning up like he was on fire. We look over to where he was laying and saw what looked like hands press down on the bed lift up then press down again. Ok. Now I'm awake. We didn't know what to do and technically I was getting what I paid for. We slept the rest of the night on my side of the bed. In the morning as we were getting ready to go I decided to get our ghost on film so I walked around the room taking pictures and getting nothing. Wes had turned on the recorder on his phone and said are there any ghosts in here? I turned to him and said the only ghosts in here are you and me. He played it back and between us talking someone very clearly said "YES". We got the hell out of there!

4th of July weekend

It started on Saturday around 6pm with a migrain and my freezer making an airplane noise. I called my grandpa and he said he'd come over on Sunday. I left to go to Jennifer's to go ghost hunting at kearny park in the middle of nowhere. It was pretty much deserted when we got there so we drove up to the mansion. We were pretty sure there were no ghosts but we were definatly getting car jacked. Then Kit decided it would be a great idea to get out and look around. Jenn went with her. I refused to get out. They came back and we got the hell out of there. Me and Jenn were trying to freak each other out by telling ghost stories on the way back and it was working until Kit chimed in with "I don't think there are ghosts. Whats happening is your brain is producing too much dopamine and your kinda having like a mini halusination." Total buzz kill! Thanks Kit! So we get back to Jennifer's and Kit goes home. Me and Jenn start watching something that calls itself ghost stories but is in fact stories of life lessons. I went home. The next morning my fridge was making a louder airplane noise so my grandpa comes over and took the fan out. After about 45 min of bad words he announced the motor in the freezer is shot but the fridge is still working. Yeah right! It took its last breath about 45 min after he left. We tool all my freezer stuff over to his house and he told me to keep the fridge door closed till he could figure somthing out. Gram starts in with "I thought you were on a diet. Why do you have so much ice cream?" Its popsicles and the ice cream is well within my points. Now with my freezer stuff gone and the no opening of the fridge, I can't eat my weight watchers points because I have no food. With nothing else to do, hungry and near tears I start calling every repair shop in the phone book. Wouldn't you know no one answers the phone on a sunday holiday weekend! Jerks! Then I call Lowes, Home Depot and Sears. All tell me the same thing "we can sell you a fridge but can't deliver it until next Thursday." No good. My grandpa shows up Monday morning and announces he bought me a new fridge and he brought Greg to help him unload it. They get it off the truck and come in to take the old broken one out. They put it on the dolly and take it to the door it won't fit thru. More bad words. They try taking the door off. No good. How did these people get it in in the first place?! Build the mobile home around the fridge?! Pop and Greg take the doors off the fridge and are finally able to get it out. Then they have to take the doors off the new one to get it in. Thats about the time Greg dropped the screw and it went under the stove. Bye screw. Thats ok we'll just take the screw off the old one. Ta da! They plug it in. Success! Then they line it up to push it in and the plug comes out. Damn. He plugs it in and line it up. It comes out again. Worse bad word. This happens several times. Finally Pop gets behind the fridge and plugs it in but now he's stuck behind it. No good. Greg holds the plug in place, Pop gets out and they move it in. Success! None of the food spoiled and I have a working fridge. Yay! Thank you Pop and Greg! In the mean time Ende cat has kicked all the litter out of the box. Thanks Ende! Things were going way too smooth. I yelled at her for being a jerk and go to lay on my bed. Ende comes in and lays on my chest and starts purring. She never purrs! Now I have guilt for yelling at her. Migrain is worse. I take MORE aleve. See a commercial for aleve. Take 2 now and you won't need any more for the rest of the day my ass! I'm thinking of writing them a mean letter! I've taken like 24! Get up to go to work. Still hurting. If when I go for weigh in at weight watchers and I've gained, I'm going postal!

Do snakes go to heaven?

I am afraid of mice. I have never liked them. But I did have a snake...that ate mice. One day I went to feed the snake and the mouse got away from me and was loose in my room. I ran out of the room, shut the door and went to tell mom we had a serious problem. She wanted to know what I was going to do about it and being brilliant I said I was going to let the snake out in my room for awhile and when he was lumpy I'll know he got the mouse. Simple. I'm afraid of mice but mom was terrified of snakes. This idea didn't go over well. Mom said if I let the snake out she was letting the cat in to kill my poor hated on snake. We found the mouse shortly after that and then shortly after that mom gave my snake away. :(

That was not my first pet snake. It was actually my second. This one was just alive. When I was little we lived on a ranch in the country. This first snake had been run over in the drive way by my uncles truck. It was just laying there in the drive way for my to pick it up and claim it as mine. I played with it for a couple of days before mom had had enough. She told me to go get a jar from grandma to put the snake in and to go bury it in the orchard. So I did that. But being 5 and learning in sunday school that all animals go to heaven I needed to see it for myself. The next day I went back to make sure the snake did in fact go to heaven. It haden't so I opened the jar, tool the snake out, wrapped it around my neck and went to play. Again, I was 5. I buried it every night and dug it up everyday for a week. Finally the smell got to mom. She told dad "the snake has got to go to heaven TONIGHT!" So after I was asleep mom and dad got flashlights and went in the orchard to find the burial spot. After a long time they found it. I guess they thought grandma would want her jar back so they dug another hole, uncapped the jar and dumped the snake in. The smell was so bad by this point they were both wretching bad. They then reburied the jar in the old hole and went to bed. The next day mom waited for me to go find my snake but I didn't. In fact I didn't look for it all week. Finally mom asked me what happened to my snake and I ran to find out. After all that the snake finally went to heaven! Miracles do happen!
And I can still smell the snake to this day.

the start of my birthday trip

Awhile backin November I was going to SLO for my birthday. I was going by myself and had just got my car back from the repair shop after having a car accident in San Fran in October. I got to Lemoor and my car overheats. I call my grandpa who told me to get to a gas station and ask the guy for help. I get to the station, there is no guy just 2 women who don't really speak english. Booooo! I call my mom who was feeling under the weather but decided to pick me up and have my car towed back to Fresno. She gets to the station and I walk over to her car and as she opens her door her purse falls out and her stuff falls out. Being a good daughter I bend down to pick it up and split my favorite jeans right down the crotch! Really?! Yep really. Mom couldn't stop laughing. I got my spare jeans out of my car and went to change. Mom said the tow truck guy was on his way so I decided to get a corn dog while I was waiting (Yes I got mom one too even though she was still laughing). I figured, hey I just murdered my favorite jeans why count calories! We get back to Fresno and the no so nice man at VW said they wouldn't even look at my car till the next day because I didn't have an appointment. Because I planned this you know! I started pulling all my stuff  out of my car and throwing it in mom's. "What do you want to do kiddo?" "Mother, I am getting my things, you are taking me to Enterprise and I am going on vacation! And I am going to have the best damn time ever!" So that's what we did and I had the best birthday ever :)

The day that sucked

The day I made my last car payment was the same day my dalmatian ripped her dew claw and was bleeding pretty bad. It was after 5 on a friday and we took her to the only vet other than ves that was open. They took her back to give her a sedative and bandage her foot. While they did that mom went outside to call dad and give him an update. I came outside and she said my tire looked low. My brother was working for America's Tire so we called him to come fix it. He came over and discovered I had run over a nail. I had no idea how to change a tire so, having some time, he was going to teach me. Against his better judgment he used to jack that came with my car. He got the tire off ok but the car then fell off the jack and bent the fender so you couldn't open the front passanger door. Ooops! In the mean time they brought my dog out and handed mom the leash (Sonnet was still really groggy). Mom was sitting on the curb watching us, my brother was upset cause he hurt my car and Sonnet was crashed out on the ground. It was then I noticed mom was sitting in an ant hill. I said "hey mom, someone now dead once said it'll all be alright in the end, if it's not alright it's not the end." I smiled at her. She did not smile back.

mom's favorite x-mas story

It was around Christmas one year and I went to Gottschalks with my mom to get a gift for Grandma. As we were shopping I decided I was starving and there was a hotdog on a stick store right outside the store. So mom got me one and we started to leave. We were walking thru Gottschalks again when I went down...HARD. Now before we left the house mom told me to change my shoes but I was wearing my Via Spiga heels and looked cute so I opted not to listen. Mom said watching me was like watching miss congeniality meets the scarecrow from the wizard of oz. She laughed so hard she cried! Right there in the middle of the store watching me rolling around on the floor my mother did not offer to help me but just stood there laughing! (I will have you all know I saved the corn dog!) I was certian I broke my toe in 4 places, sprained my ankle, broke my hip and still my mom couldn't stop laughing. Mom didn't find what she was looking for so we had to go to a different Gottschalks. So we get there and mom said "get out". I said"NO!" She said "Michelle Lynn get your ass out of this car right now! I mean mean it!" I wouldn't budge so she said "I will buy you 2 new pairs of shoes if you get out" (little known fact, I can be bought with shoes). So while mom went upstairs to get something for grandma I went to the shoe department to pick out my shoes. Mom bought them and told me to change them right now. Again, I looked cute and really what were the odds. Turns out they were VERY VERY good. On the way out I went down AGAIN! However this time I bounced right back up and hobble ran to the door. I think some lady asked if I was all right and I definatly heard my mother laughing but I didn't really want to hang out. We got back in the car and I was sure my mom was about to pee her pants. Tears were streaming down her face as she turned to me and said "there's one more Gottschalks in town! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"
We did not go to the last Gottschalks.

Really?

It started off with feeding the hyacinth macaw that freaks me out anyways. That face is just wrong and way to big! I was trying to be nice (and brave) and I said to him "good morning. can you get off the door?" He responded by screaming at me and projectile shitting thru the mesh door and all down my left side, down my leg and into my rubber boot. Thanks Indigo you blue demon! Then I went to pick up my check in the main office. I took the golf cart and drove around back. Half way there my phone rang and even though I didn't recognize the number I answered anyways. Is this Michelle? Yes. Michelle my name is (this is the part I wasn't really listening because I didn't really care but should have been listening. I think she said her name was Suzy) and I got your number from Judy (I think she means my aunt). We are cousins! Can you talk?She said all this very fast and then paused. My response was something like "um ok". Then she went on. I live in Fresno too and I think its a shame we arn't close. I think we will be very good friends! do you still work at the zoo? Yes. I was supposed to go to the zoo today with my friend but I'm having my hair done right now. What time do you get off work? 4. But I'm busy after work today. That's ok. Save my number in your phone and I'll call you around 5 tonight ok? Well sweetie I gotta go but I'll talk to you later. We are going to be the best of friends won't that be great because we are cousins! click and she was gone. Note to self call aunt Judy and tell her not to be giving my number and work place out to crazy people! And for the most important question: Do I answer my phone tonight. I'm thinking no. but if I don't will she randomly show up at my work?! Hmmmmm. Thats a tough one. I had pulled over to the curb in the cart to let other cars pass as I was on the phone (also its illegal). After I was so rudely hung up on I pushed the gas to continue on and almost (like within inches) take out an old woman and her little old dog. The woman was totally unphased. She says "What's going on? Why are there so many police around the zoo?" I said (as politly as I could after almost running her over) I'm not sure. I'm zoo and the police are at storyland. She says "You have a radio. can you radio and ask someone?" No. I'm with the zoo. That is storyland and we don't communicate like that. Well where are you going? I'm going to the zoo office. Well can you ask them there and then let my know? I'll be at the dog park. Ok I can not do that. Yes you can come find me. Really? Like REALLY? Could this get anymore weird?! I get to the office and tell Mayra about the weirdness. Everyone in the office has a good laugh at my expence and I head back to the hospital. As soon as I get back an step off the cart I hear a call on the radio summonsing me back to the office because the animals I found out late yesterday and forgot about today have arrived. Really? I turn around and pick up the box of mystery lizards (all I was told is they are lizards so what kind is a suprise and don't we all love suprises). Turns out there are 2 very cool geckos and 2 different types of skinks for a grand total of 4 little lizards. i was a little worried because I wasn't really set up for them then low and behold Mark had that covered. Weird!
I finally made it to lunch! Woohoo! Makes me scared about what the rest of the day will hold....